cinder and smoke

remember to remember me

I almost bought a banjo the other day. The last time I played an instrument was in middle school. I could never figure out how to use both of my hands to play the piano, but I was pretty good with one finger. It was always too hard thinking about what my left hand was supposed to do while my right hand was playing at the same time. Perhaps that's a minor obstacle for most, but I respect most musicians, largely because they overcame figuring out how to use both of their fucking hands at once.

It seems that lately I've been thinking more than any normal person would be in a given second. I think that's a really sad excuse for a superpower. At the same time, none of my thoughts have been coming together. That's my weakness I suppose. It's all a bunch of loose ends. Or perhaps it's just one loose end with a bunch of loose ends trailing off. So a split end…hm.

Matt posted something really depressing the other day. In the same, depressing perspective, we're all terribly helpless. From a contrasting perspective though, we're not terribly helpless. So I guess you can spin it a few different ways.

For the past couple years I've been sending messages to people with my thoughts. It has a 30% success rate, but I really like the idea that someone would know what I'm thinking without me ever having to open my mouth. In reality though, I think my thoughts have just been bouncing off of myself and coming back to make me think about the same thing over and over again.

Just like I've never been able to play the piano with both of my hands, I've never been able to figure out how to speak with my mouth and think with my brain at the same time. By the time I finally have something to say, the conversation has trailed off like my right hand on the piano.